The Eyes Have It

This week I have begun watching the third season of the HBO western drama Deadwood. Like the previous two seasons, this show continues to be immensely entertaining thanks to the compelling characters, gorgeous cinematography and excellent scripting (often sprinkled with prolific and creative swearing); last night however, I was treated to a scene that as you know is near and dear to me...yet another eye gouging.

An addition to the cast this year was former USC football star and veteran stuntman Allan Graf (looking quite dapper above). He plays Captain Turner, the bodyguard to George Hearst, and quickly becomes and adversary to Dan Dority. If you have not seen the show and have no idea what I am talking about, please do yourself a favor and start renting it today.

Without going into too much detail, since I don't want to spoil it for those of you who actually would like to follow the show, let's just say that this particular Cap'n finds himself in a brutal fight which leads to permanent tunnel vision for one of those involved. While not the best looking of eye effects that I have come across, the actor does a great job selling the discomfort of this climatic blinding. If you are interested in watching it, please click here.

I also happened to catch an extended promotional trailer for the '70s film The Gore Gore Girls directed by the Godfather of Gore, H.G. Lewis which had one of the more drawn out eye scenes I know of. I don't know if that is floating around, but the promotional clip is tasteless enough that I'll let you readers hunt it down for yourselves.

I also have been lent a film by a friend who appreciates my ocular obsession. The film titled Dead Meat was floated my way with the promise of two eyeball scenes...so I guess there is more to come. Until then...

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

Still Good After All These Years

As a follow up to a previous entry, I have now watched enough episodes of the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon from the early 1980's to give a fair assessment of how well it holds up. Let me just say that I still love it. The first episode had me a little nervous, I didn't really like the pacing or the some of the animation choices, but this must have just been a bad episode.

The majority of the series is a pleasure, with decent animation (that sometimes does something really neat), a myriad of scary creatures, and a hell of a lot more Star Wars references than I remember. There are episodes that make mention to wookies and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and some of the plot points were directly stolen from the sci-fi trilogy that had just wrapped up the year before, but this only adds to the enjoyment. My favorite by far is the moment where Dugeonmaster (see above) sadly alludes to the fact that it was his own failings as a teacher that led to Venger's turning to evil. They don't even have to elaborate on this idea...they know that it is enough of a nudge, nudge, wink, wink to their audience.

Really, the only fear that was realized is that the unicorn (Uni) has not grown more appealing with age. Her incessant bleating still grates a bit on my nerves and she often is more hindrance than help...'cept in that episode with the dragon that shoots fire and ice alternatively. Thank the maker she was there with that wreath of dragon's bane.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

Duff-man Saves Television

I really hate (not dislike...hate) reality shows. Perhaps I should embrace them as the greatest exploitive medium to date, but in reality I just find them hard to watch. Ace of Cakes is the exception to this rule. This show is about as real as reality can be on television. There are no challenges or games, there are no eliminations, there are no sob stories, nor are there great makeovers, and most importantly you never watch this show to see people fail. Nay, Ace of Cakes is simply about brilliant, everday people being themselves. The basic story is simple...busy, extremely creative staff of "Charm City Cakes" makes cakes that blow your mind. That is it...you watch to see this group suceed, and you revel in the fact that you get a half hour to hang with this most excellent group from Baltimore.

Duff, the head chef, exudes the best kind of responsible immaturity: he tells the kind of jokes that you tell with your best friends when you are 30 or you are 13. Geoff, the chief sous chef, has a comedic billiance that stems from the mystery of whether he is purposely trying to make you laugh or just being himself. Mary Alice Fallon Yesky, the receptionist and overall organizers for this crew...I cannot say enough about her, this woman has found her calling. Her humor and charm alone make the show worth watching.

The first time I watched this show I wanted to see impressive cakes shaped like King Kong, the Taj Mahal, a Seussian-style wedding cake or... a beaver. While the cakes are amazing to look at, most of the time I am not really paying attention to what they are doing anymore; by now I have seen them laying fondant, or beading with frosting, or using dowels to support the ungainly weight of some pieces. Nope, I am watching because they are letting me sit in on their conversations and just be one of the gang.

Same to Same,

P. H.

Fantasia: Weekend Three

This weekend brought to a close what has been a great month of Fantasia. My most abitious year yet, I attended eight different screening and this coming Friday will be the first this month that I have not spent in Montreal.

The first film I watched this weekend was a Korean martial arts film called The City of Violence. It was a crime drama about a group of high school friends who find themselves becoming divided by the law and the death of their friend. This film had the best trailer I watched in preparation for Fantasia; in fact, the trailer had such an andrenaline saturation, that I couldn't imagine not trying to see it. As a 90 minute film, it naturally had to take a breath once in a while to establish plot points, and I feel like the first fight showed up later than I anticipated, but overall a great time.

What I liked the most about this film was how real the martial arts performances were. The was no significant CGI f/x that I can remember, and the wire work (that creates the kind of super kung fu that you see in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) was used with restraint. The choreography was superb as well, with many scenes shot in a manner that allowed the audince to view contact between fighters. There is also something about the style of Korean martial arts that involves a lot of spin kicks and quick feints, and it films in a manner that is breathtaking and beautiful. Again, check the trailer and you'll see what I mean.

The only real problem with this film was that during the middle of the most climatic battle the screen froze and the theater was evacuated by Concordia University for about an hour with no explanation (not even after we were allowed back in). Milling around outside, in the cool Montreal air, with hundreds of other Fantasia festival attendees really emphasized the enjoyable sense of community that I love about this festival. It also gave me a chance to listen in on Richard Gale, the director of the short I saw later that evening.

That short, Criticized, has apparantly won the title of "scariest movie" at the DC independent film festival, which no matter how you slice it means that in some circles this is considered the scariest film of the year. Almost this entire short about a kidnapped critic takes place in the claustraphobic setting of a shower stall, and there is an eyeball scene! Still, what makes this film scary is the way it makes the everyday man suddenly feel very vulnerable.

The feature that followed was the midnight showing...nay, now one AM showing...of the remade The Wizard of Gore. Let me just start by saying I loved this film. A great melding of film noir and gore driven horror, this film uses rakish angles and bizarre sets to create a surrealistic thriller. While the gore is pretty fantastic, there is also a pleasant sense of restraint, which allows the mysterious plot to drive the film rather than the effects. The acting by Crispin Glover (George McFly of Back to the Future) as the charismatic magician in superb, and he is supported by a great cast, including Brad Dourif (Lord of the Rings, Deadwood). And if you were looking for one more reason to watch this film, most of the victims are the scantily (if at all) clad Suicide Girls. Not only is this film a great ride, but in the midst of a rash of PG-13 horror releases, I felt like I was finally watching a more mainstream horror film for adults: smart, sexy and scary.

The experience watching The Wizard of Gore was a great finish for my time at Fantasia this year. Even though it started late, and I was deliriously exhausted the next day, the energy of a late night premiere showing and the great Q&A with director Jeremy Kasten and producer Dan Griffiths made it all worthwhile. Now it will be another eleven months until Fantasia starts up again, wich will hopefully be enough time to catch the other one hundred or so films I wasn't able to see.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry

Fantasia: Weekend Two

The two films I caught this weekend we're The Fox Family and End of the Line. Before I dive into the reviews, two notes about the wonders of Canadian culture. I was accompanied by a friend of mine this weekend who loves to stop and shop at the local convenience/grocery stores to fully enjoy the differences between the Canadian and American culture. The hunt this weekend was on for a couple of unique potato chips not available in the United States. We came out with Lay's Curry flavored chips and Doritos Tandoori Spice tortilla chips. In a direct taste off, I prefered the Tandoori Spice, which reminded me of the classic (and I think discontinued) Taco Doritos, but for a guy who really can dislike the taste of curry, I loved the heat and taste of the Lay's chips as well. The big find that myself and another buddy made was the Labatt Dry Extra Strong Beer...a malty 10.1%, and available as a 1.8 litre (commonly known in the states as a "40").

To the films!

End of the Line was a local film making its local premiere. After playing at the Toronto Film Festival, this gore f/x gem from Montreal came home to play for the people who so often ride the subways that they turn into tunnels of carnage. The basic plot revolves around a group of born again Christians whose cultish leader has decided that it is time to trigger the great Apocalypse. Our protagonists are average citizens caught on the public subway system when beepers begin resounding from each car, and our conservatively dressed fundamentalists begin to "save" souls, which of course calls for the destruction of the corporeal shells. As I said, the gore is terrific in this film, and I am sure that there was not much of a budget, making them all the more impressive. The settings are poorly lit subway tunnels, which coupled with the director's use of quick in your face visuals and loud audio strikes, set up an edge of your seat situation. This sort of intesity however is in constant struggle with the dialogue, especially early on, which is poor enough to be hampering to both the mood and character development. Still, End of the Line is a fine film that ranks above the average rental fare, but does not quite stand toe to toe with the better theatrical horror releases.

What really made viewing End of the Line a great cinematic experience was, of course, the Fantasia atmosphere. I have already praised the Fantasia audience for being a very active one, but the fact that this was a hometown film multiplied the energy in the auditorium. At the end there was also a great Q&A session with the director and several actors, not to mention that the audience was peppered with people involved in the production of this film. All in all a great time was had.

The second feature, The Fox Family, was a delightful zany musical/comedy/fantasy from Korea. The plot is simple: a family of foxes turned human for 1,000 years have 30 minutes during an eclipse to eat a fresh human liver in order to become true humans. In the meantime, they run a circus and find themselves prime suspects in a murder investigation. While the plot may seem a bit farfetched, the music, colors, costumes and overall composition of this film are elements that any viewer can appreciate. Bizarre and beautiful at once, this film was a unique treat.

This is the final weekend of the festival coming up and I'll be hitting two final shows this Friday night, so please come back for the big wrap-up.

Same to Same,

Capt. Hendry

Fantasia: Weekend One

This weekend marked the opening of the 11th annual Fantasia Film Festival in Montreal. Chock full of horror, kung-fu, science fiction, fantasy and other films of similar genres from around the world; this is always the film highlight of my year. Forget the summer blockbusters...over the next few weeks I'll see more movies in Montreal than I will the rest of the year most likely.

That being said, I caught four different screenings this weekend. The first was a collection of six Korean short films. Unfortunately traffic was brutal and we missed the beginning of the first film (The Hell (Two Kinds of Life...a cool rotoscoped examination of death), but the rest were mostly good. I did not like The Forest that much, but the two films by the Park Brothers (Mighty Man and The Freaking Family) were awesome.

The second film, which we decided to catch at the last minute, turned out to be the best one of the weekend. The Signal was a very smart and well shot film. Even though there were three sections to the story shot be three different directors, the style and pacing felt consistent enough that it was not at all distracting, nor did this make the film feel segmented. The successful blend of humor and suspense made this film extremely enjoyable...oh, and it was plenty rough. I hope that this film goes on to find a large audience, because I am looking forward to the next project these directors work on.

The last feature on Friday was the midnight showing of Flight of the Living Dead which was like watching Snakes on a Plane with zombies substituted for the snakes. Honestly, in about six months, I will probably confusing the two films when I try to think about different scenes from either one. Still, it was a lot of fun and reveled in its own cheese.

Friday also threw two shorts my way preceding the features. Before The Signal was a pleasant little escapade called The Morning After (click on the title to watch now!) which brought to life the expression coyote arm/coyote ugly. And preceding Flight... was The Fifth, a lighthearted look at a poker group having a hard time keeping a fifth player, which I couldn't find anywhere online, but you should keep you eye out for.

Saturday night I caught Hell's Ground , which is the first Pakistani horror film that I have ever heard of, much less seen, and is considered the first Pakistani gore film to date. All in all it was pretty good. I felt a little bit led awry by the more polished trailer, but this extremely low budget film was still a great experience in cultural exposure...with zombies. My original complaint for this film would be that halfway through the story it inexplicably drops the zombie plotline that it had been nourishing with lost tourists and suddenly morphs into a slasher film with a sexually confused, mace-wielding maniac chasing the teens through the woods. While I felt initially put off by this unconventional movie-making decision, I now feel that perhaps the point wasn't to resolve that the zombie crisis is at heart a pollution problem and our heroes will fix it (as would have happened in the Hollywood version), instead the point might simply be that bad shit goes down in these woods...so stay away!

The best parts of the Hell's Ground experience were the surrounding elements. The film was presented by the founders of the great "Mondo Macabro" DVD label, who had also put together a 20 minute clip reel of earlier "Lollylwood" horror films. Please do yourself a favor and do a YouTube search for Lollywood; some of the clips from the reel seem to be posted there. Also, the presentation before and Q & A session afterwards with director Omar Ali Khan was wonderful. He is very down to earth and has a fantastic sense of humor.

So it was a stellar opening weekend with everything I have come to expect from Fantasia: exposure to films that I would never catch on the big screen domestically, entertaining presenters talking about their work, and most importantly, an audience built entirely of people with the same questionable tastes. You gotta love an audience that cheers loudly when a man's forearm is screwed into the wall with a drill, or when a woman's throat is sliced open with a pair of pruning shears.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

Don't Seal the Deal Early

Last night I finally got around to watching the Ingmar Bergman classic The Seventh Seal. The basic plot of this film is often described as a Knight of the Crusade's search for the answers to life's larger questions (is there a God. etc.) whilst playing a game of chess with Death. The dreary synopsis of the film is only enhanced when one considers that the outbreak of bubonic plague in Europe is the backdrop for this tale. That being said, I pretty much had my mind made up that this film was going to be dark and dreary, beautiful and haunting, and not really that much fun.

In actuality, it was a delightful film. While a major plot point is the chess match between the grim reaper and the grim knight, Antonius Block, nobody really mentions that there are many other light and enjoyable characters throughout the film. The knight's squire, Jöns (who has at least an equal amount of screen time and dialogue as our protagonist) is the kind of guy you would want to be hanging around with at any given time: he is worldwise, cynical and funny. The advice he gives throughout the film to the other minor characters is enough to make you laugh out loud, just check out some of his quotes here. Even the chess match itself is a rare occurrence throughout the film; revisited only as you are just starting to forget it is still in play.

Watching this film I found myself not only exercised philosophically, but also I learned a lesson that I don't often apply to films: don't judge a book by its cover. This is the second time this year that I have been intimidated by what I had already deemed a depressing film (the other being The Last King of Scotland) only to be pleasantly surprised by the varying range of emotions and moods. Point is, you really haven't seen a film until you have seen it.

Same to same,

Pat

Don't Die Hard...Get Old Hard

Do you know what today is? I know my sister does...it is Live Free or Die Hard release day. John McClane is back, baby! Even though it has been 19 years since he was stuck in the Nakatomi building in LA, but you just can't keep a good action hero down, can you? Honestly, those 1980's action hero's have some serious stamina. Stallone just returned as Rocky after 30 years and he is coming back as John Rambo after 25 years; and let's not forget Harrison Ford, who is picking up the whip again to play Indiana Jones for the first time in two decades.

And who is the action hero nowadays? Who picked up the torch that Schwarzenegger set down when he took up his new political career? Don't try to tell me that Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, or Vin "XXX" Diesel are the new action heroes, because they really haven't had the success, nor the feel, that our good ole' 1980's action heroes did. My only complaint seeing Bruce back up there this week is that the stuck him with that dork from the Apple commercials instead of Samuel L. Jackson, and that they rated it PG-13.

"Yippee Ki-Yay....er...sucka."

Same to same,

Capt. Pat Hendry

Buzz Kill

I had a surreal experience this weekend when I accidentally took out a chunk of skin by my knee with a chainsaw. It really is not as bad as it sounds, I was extremely lucky and avoided all the tendons, bone, and muscles that are so instrumental to walking and a myriad of other activities. Really it is just a bad ass superficial wound (I think) and in a few weeks I should just have a sweet scar, a good story for parties, and be back up to the same level of activity that I previously was. The sheer horror of the event was not so much in what happened, but what could've happened if the blade had caught me a few centimeters one way or the other.

The rest of this entry will be potentially graphic, so if you are satisfied with the story as it is, please read a different entry, for the GORY details...read on...or for the thrilling conclusion about how this event fits into the grand scheme of the universe, skip down to the last paragraph.

With that out of the way, here is how I now feel fortunate that I was able to "enjoy" this experience to the fullest. I realize that this sounds bizarre, but think about how often you have a fairly seriously wound with minimal repercussions.

First off, I was astounded by how little pain there was. At first I thought it was shock, but the pain just never seemed to arrive. Honestly, this hurt less than a stubbed toe, a sliced finger or a bit tongue. The wound did not ever really express itself using pain as a tool for communication. My best theory on this is that I suppose pain is the body's way of getting one's attention when there is a problem...at this point, my leg had my full attention. They also say that pain is all in the mind and can be overcome, and if this is true I am amazed by the power of the mind to overcome both actual pain or even the expectation of pain.

The next part of this whole experience that was in a strange way worth it, was the ability to look deeper into a part of my body than I ever have before. I have never had that many layers of myself exposed at any point in my life, and I am in no rush to be in that position again, but at the time I really found it fascinating to look at my knee and realize (I mean really know) that all the anatomy you study in school really does apply to you on a personal level. Again, this would've definitely sucked much more if I had done more serious damage, but with the relief that myself and my leg would be fine, I was able to just observe. What I saw was this (click to see pic).

At the ER I watched them cut away the skin they couldn't deal with and then sew up the wound, which at first I avoided looking at, but eventually realized, "When (hopefully never) will I ever be in the position to watch someone cut away a rather sizable portion of my skin and then pass a needle through me to stitch me back up." So I watched enough to quantify this as a complete experience so I would have no regrets afterwards...well, other than regretting that I gouged my leg in the first place.

CONCLUSION

Now I am on the road to recovery and as I look back, I realize that was is most interesting about this experience is that it was nothing like the movies...no screaming, no panic, no blood spurting with each pulse of my heart, no drama at all really. It was so calm I even made a joke with the doctor, asking him if he could play some overly dramatic music as he finished stitching me up. My film professor had a great quote on her bulletin board, "Film tells the truth 24 times a second. Film lies 24 times a second." I always thought I knew what it would be like to get cut this badly, now that it is happened I find that the truth was nothing like I expected it to be. I have always felt that I could live vicariously through film, but the truth of the matter is, you can only really experience what you live through.

Film, television, books, music, stories...they all shape the way we perceive things, and that is their power; to take the things we have not (and may never) experience and still somehow allow us to walk away with the impression that we have been there and we know.

I have waxed the philosophic long enough.

Same to same,

Hendry

Arrrrr....Arrrrrgggghhhhh!

Despite warnings from several national critics, whom I barely trust, and the more substantial warnings of people I know, I decided to go check out the third installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. I was pleasantly surprised to find that overall I enjoyed the experience, but then again, nothing helps out your opinion of a film more than expecting it to be absolutely awful.

It really wasn't that bad. There were a lot of lines and physical moments that made me laugh, and there were some gorgeous effects that I didn't feel dragged on as some had criticized; however, the plot and character progression were terrible...just terrible. It wasn't that it was hard to follow, and with so much logic tossed out the window the viewer eventually just accepts a "que sera, sera" attitude about the whole story. What really makes the film difficult are the motives that are driving characters. The scene that defines the film for me was one where five or six major characters were all pointing guns at each other and I realized that I had no real idea why each of these characters would want to shoot one another. I don't know who Jack Sparrow really likes or dislikes, I don't know what criteria Will Turner uses to decide who to cross or double cross, and I can't tell if Elizabeth Swann is in love with anybody. Plus, just when I think that the characters are calming down a bit, there is a plot line introduced surrounding Davy Jones and his former love that was an absolute waste of 30 minutes on film (and frankly if this film were 30 minutes shorter I think most viewers would be just as happy).

I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but in the same way that the new Star Wars episodes couldn't recapture magic onscreen, At World's End represents the final transformation from The Black Pearl, which was a favorite summer film for me, to a carcass no less bloated or insignificant than the beached Kraken...a still somewhat visually impressive shell of what used to be great.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry

Rotting Politics

Last night I watched Joe Dante's first installment from Showtime's "Masters of Horror" series. It was a politically charged story titled Homecoming, which was about soldiers who had died in the line of duty during the Iraq war coming back from the grave to vote. If you think this sounds like a ridiculous plot, then you and I would have been in agreement twenty-four hours ago; but what a difference a day makes.

This episode was actually one of the better ones that this series has produced. It wasn't really at all scary, nor was it that gory; but rather, it was one of the most blatant film criticisms of the Bush administrations and the war in Iraq that I have seen. While horror movies have always had a tendency to symbolically reflect underlying political and social unrest in society, Homecoming makes no bones about what issue it is bringing to the table. This piece has no problem suggesting, if not declaring, that the current engagement in Iraq was based on nothing but "horseshit and elbow grease" provided by the republican spin doctors. Just for good measure, it also sprinkles in some serious suggestions that the outcome of the national election is shaped by the party which has the most power and not by the American voting public.

Besides the strong political message, Dante's work also had another surprise in store for me...one of the most tender zombie scenes I have ever witnessed. His use of a shuffling, decomposing, corpse to elicit the sympathy that Americans feel for those soldiers out there making such a large sacrifice is enough to make your eyes mist up.

There are some viewers that would accuse Dante of putting words in the mouths of the deceased, but the observant viewer will notice that he is careful to account for soldiers, citizens and casualties who both approve(d) and disapprove(d) of our country's actions.

Again, not scary...at least not in a supernatural fictitious way.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

In My Eyes and Ears

I just finished the novel, Sharpe's Tiger, which was the first in a large series of novels following the adventures of Richard Sharpe, a member of the British Army during the early 1800's. This first adventure follows our hero's instrumental role in the siege of Seringapatam during the British campaign in India during the Napoleonic wars. It is fast paced, seemingly historically accurate, and the character of Sharpe is an enjoyable rogue. The writing style is modern and very easy to read, and the exciting storyline, interesting characters, and well detailed battles make for an excellent summer read.

In the wide world of cinema I recently saw the film Edmund, which I found to be a harder edged Falling Down with William H. Macy replacing Michael Douglas in the lead role. There are some nice dialogues about the unnecessary social games we play and niceties we abide by because we are afraid of how others will perceive us; however, I would have liked to have seen a bit more from the director showing us some hope or suggestion for social change, rather than just showing how our protagonist's anticonformist actions lead him into the most terrible of decisions and situations. Still, the film is worth watching just for Macy's performance.


I also had the chance to finally check out the 1969 best picture Midnight Cowboy. I really liked this film. The performances by John Voigt and Dustin Hoffman were both top notch, and the directing had a lot of surreal moments alongside the bleak hyper-realism that was so popular in the early 1970's. The film is famous for being the only film rated X (although not rated X by today's system) to win the Oscar, and after watching it I do feel that it is one of the more cutting edge films to have won an Oscar. One of those rarer moments when a really good and challenging film gets its due.


And if you are looking for something to massage the ears, I suggest checking out the band I'm From Barcelona. Their album, Let Me Introduce my Friends, plays like adult indie, and the lyrics seem as though they are written about all the things that would be important to you in middle school. The result is pleasant and slightly poppy with a great depth of sound created by the 29 members of the band. Speaking of large bands, I also like the new stuff I am hearing from the Polyphonic Spree...very different than what I had heard from them a few years back. The more I hear the new Bright Eyes album, the more I like it...it has more of a folk influence, which really suits the writing style on this body of work.

Quick Picks:

Blonde Redhead - 23
Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby; Everything is Average Nowadays
I'm From Barcelona - Collection of Stamps
Bright Eyes - If the Brakeman Turns My Way

...and for something with a bit of a beat check out stuff by LCD Soundsystems, or !!!.

This week's single that will not get out of my head: Once and Never Again, by the Long Blondes...I love this woman's voice.

Same to Same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry

Dungeons and Dragons (without Dice)

Father's Day was this past weekend, and your old pal Pat (aka Dad) Hendry scored a pretty sweet gift...maybe.

Perhaps the greatest contribution thus far that DVD technology has brought to the home viewer is the reasonable packaging and pricing of television series to own at home. In fact, it has been so reasonable that I have been able to start rewatching some of the cartoons that I remember fondly from my youth. Thus far both Johnny Quest and DuckTales have not only given me an euphoric sense of deja vu when I revisited them after nearly two decades, but they have also both lived up to (if not surpassed) the greatness that my youthful opinion rated them with.

Now I am going to put those fond childhood memories to the test with this Father's Day gift: the complete early 1980's Dungeons and Dragons series. This is another series that I have a whole slew of half-formed memories about, and most of them are so awesome. Hank with his bow that shot energy bolts, creatures that were both terrifying and mesmerizing, the villain Venger who rode a dark flying horse, and dragons...some with five heads. Yep, this show had it all when I was younger; giant worms, giant spiders, bullfrog men, armies of the dead, weapons of magic, and (of course) a few lessons to be learned about life.

But there is a distinct difference between Dungeons and Dragons, Jonny Quest and DuckTales: that happens to be that D&D has a lot more potential to suck. Even though I think back upon this series with the same amount of affection as the others, I am also a realist. Jonny Quest was one of Hanna Barbara's prime time cartoons, and it was the first cartoon to be aired by all three major networks. Not to mention it has multiple (albeit inferior) reimaginings of the series. DuckTales had the backing of Walt Disney empire and classic characters that had already stood the test of time blended with all the action of Indiana Jones. It was also the success of this cartoon that made it the cornerstone of the Disney afternoon quartet that followed.

Even in my fairly kind childhood memories, I already know that Dungeons and Dragons has some issues that may not translate well to my adult sensibilities. First off, and potentially most devastating, is Uni the unicorn. This "cute" animal character seems thrown in only because some ad exec somewhere said, "this cartoon needs a cute dog or something" to compete with Schooby-Doo or Bandit. Uni really brought none of the depth that these classic canines brought, what she did bring was usually the most frustrating and idiotic of actions cleverly accented by a taunting bleat. There is also the issue of Dungeomaster, who essentially is a watered down Yoda. The show itself had a goal for the characters, which was to escape the fantasy land they were trapped in and return to good ole twentieth century USA; so naturally there are a ton of episodes where they almost, but don't quite make it...that can get annoying. Lastly, I have no idea how the animation will hold up after 25 years.

Still, I absolutely cannot wait to see this series. Just the thought of finally reinforcing or disputing so many potential memories makes me giddy. As I said, the deja vu of these experiences is euphoric, I just hope the series is decent.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

An Eyeful of Gore

The other night I watched a great little Japanese gorefest called Meatball Machine. The film plot is roughly summed up thus: aliens are overtaking people and turning them into gruesome cyborgs that fight their battles for them...obviously. The transformation scenes were really well effected (reminiscent at times of some of the stomach-churning scenes in John Carpenter's The Thing) and they climaxed with those crossed discs being forced into the host's eye sockets (see image).

I am not sure that there are any other on-screen mutilations that make me twitch, squirm, grit my teeth, and utter forced exclamations like "Erg!" more than eye damage. Its not that I can't watch effects involving the eyes, but in the massive backlog of decapitations, dismemberments, eviscerations, broken limbs, crushed craniums, pulled teeth, slices, dices, rips, tears, burns, scrapes and peels, it is the eye effects that really stand out and can be quickly recalled. I think this is probably true for most people. Whether it is our aversion to touching our own eyes, the fluid-filled consistency of these organs, or the subliminal horror instilled by the thought of the negative space in our skull an empty socket creates: who can say. The point is, eye mutilations create colorful conversations, so here are what I consider my top five in film:

5) The Terminator - While not the most visually graphic of effects, there is something about Schwarzenegger's unfeeling performance as he cuts out his own eye that reinforces how unstoppable he is supposed to be in this robotic role.

4) Meatball Machine - This is one of those situations where you know what is coming, and you can't help but wonder with morbid curiosity how much will be shown. Well...a lot is. It is the sheer carnage of this effect that I find unique. This effect goes above and beyond a poke or a pop...it is just plain destructive.

3) Zombi 2 - A split door jamb, a pair of zombie hands, and a woman's head are a recipe for disaster in this classic by gore godfather Lucio Fulchi. Like Meatball Machine, it is more about the length of time and inevitability of the outcome that makes this effect a winner.

2) Thriller: A Cruel Picture - The one-eyed heroine of this film, honored by Quentin Tarantino in the Kill Bill duology, does not don the patch from the beginning of the film. The scene where she loses her optical orb is rumored (and confirmed by the film's actress) to have been filmed using a real corpse at a medical institution. The act itself is very fast and tightly cut by the editor, but you inevitably end up watching it over and over trying to decide if it is real or not.

1) Un Chien Andalou - While originally I was going to put this at number four, I bumped it all the way to the top after rewatching it here for the first time in at least five years. Even seeing a lower res clip on the computer I still felt serious tension in my shoulders, I was cringing, and I made two exclamations despite myself. Another situation where reality is more effective than illusion, this surrealist film sliced a cow eyeball for the camera. It feels real...I guess it is real...and after almost eighty years, it hasn't been topped in my opinion.

So if you feel ready to stomach them, put on the Pixies' tune Debaser, hop on Netflix, Youtube or Google video, and start organizing a jaw-dropping/eye-popping film festival for you and your good friends.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

You are Entering a Dimension of Less Sight and Sound

I've been steadily working my way through the second season of The Twilight Zone, and the other night I caught an episode that was so different from the bulk of the series it was as if it had been filmed in...well, the Twilight Zone. The episode, titled The Lateness of the Hour, opened with that highly recognizable, anxiety-inducing music, it had the usual stand-up introduction by the even-speaking Rod Serling, and it was what I would deem a "classic" episode, ending with an ironic twist that left the characters and viewers in a state of melancholy, tinged with a bit of hopelessness and sprinkled liberally with loneliness. So what was so utterly bizarre about this episode? The visual quality.

It wasn't poorly shot, or lit or blocked; but, it was actually shot using a different medium, rather than film they used videotape. It doesn't take an experienced eye to notice the difference between these two methods of visual recording: think of the way a soap opera or a game show looks of a lesser video quality than an hour long television drama. While in this day and age videotape as a medium has seen vast improvements, back in the 1960's the qualitative difference was staggering. Film had such a rich quality about it, allowing the viewer to notice all the subtle shifts in grays (since the second season was shot in black and white), and it also gave a nice sense of depth; on the flip side, blacks and whites are very strong on videotape, but the grays get lost and blurred, not to mention that the sense of space and depth feels odd. I guess one way to put it would be to say that watching The Twilight Zone shot in film feels like watching a small movie, while watching it shot on videotape feels like you are watching a play that was taped with a camcorder.

Noticing how much this episode looked like a staged play, I began to wonder if The Twilight Zone was actually doing something fairly innovative by originally airing this episode live. There were few scene changes, and costume changes were minimal as well. There was a slight waver to most of the camera shots, and an observant viewer could even notice the slight shift in the picture as it was switched from camera to camera, which usually denotes some issues with the synchronization and timing of cameras being switched live. I had always felt that this anthology paid a great amount of attention to detail, so I gave CBS the benefit of the doubt and theorized that this must be a live taped special.

I was wrong.

The history behind this episode (according to the handiest web site I know, Wikipedia) is summed up thus: Serling and Co. were running up a budget of roughly $65,000 an episode. In order to save some money, CBS decided to videotape six episodes thereby saving money on editing and film stock. The end result was only $30,000 saved altogether, and all the episodes looked poor when compared to the beauty of the rest of the series. After these six were shot, it was never attempted again for The Twilight Zone.

I haven't watched all six episodes, but the The Lateness of the Hour was pretty good. The acting was solid and I liked the story that was penned by the Serling himself, but sadly it is an episode that is doomed never to garner the same respect as so many others that it rivals. This is all due to what should be regarded as a poor decision that may have saved $5,000 at the time but forevermore ruined The Lateness of the Hour.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry

ps. more to come as I watch the other episodes that befell such a sad fate

Are You Gonna Go My Way?

According to Wikipedia, it is some body's 100th birthday this year...somebody that most of us get to see practically every day. Who is this centenarian I speak of? Your friend and mine, the directional turn signal on your car.

D.T. Signal was born in 1907, but it would be over 30 years before he really found his way in the world and became the commonplace auto accoutrement that we are used to today. Although spasmodic and erratic in personality, he has served us faithfully, helping us to let others know our intentions when words just wouldn't do. On occasion, he is misused by those inattentive to him and can be deceiving for miles at a time, but over the years he has sought to make himself a better person and increased his communication skills with those he works with. And you think he doesn't work hard for you? That poor boy fires off at least 60, and when his is looking for a good cardio workout, up to 120 times a minute. But don't let that stop you from using him often, he keeps himself in remarkably good shape, and he even has a back-up team of sidekicks (the Hand Signals) in case he is under the weather.

That being said, let me tell you about something that really steams me: people who refuse to use their turn signal lights. With the exception of people who love riding my tail when driving, I don't know if I can think of one other thing that bothers me more on the road. If you are driving near me, I like knowing where you are going. If you are going to cut in front of me, or zip around me, or just plain are getting off the road I am on...just let me know. Even if you think to yourself, "My turning or changing lanes isn't really going to affect this guy" why not be courteous and just give me that little visual confirmation of what you are about to do.

Furthermore, why wouldn't you use your turn signal? It is absolutely effortless; a little flick of the wrist, and my boy DTS does the rest. Here are my three theories: 1) People are generally lazy - despite how easy it is...they still have to do something. 2) People just cannot be bothered -they aren't necessarily lazy, they just don't care...besides, that guy behind me will figure it out once I start turning. 3) People are just rude or expect rudeness from others - if I signal, they may not let me into that lane. I accept none of these excuses.

Whether we realize it or not, driving is a social event, and arguably it is the most interaction we have with other people during the day. So make it count. Team up with Direction T. Signal and the only thing you stand to lose is a whole fistful of middle fingers coming your way.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

An Appeal to Hollywood...Less is More

Is it me, or has Hollywood forgotten how to tell a great story in two hours...or (dare I say it?) a scant hour and a half? There was a time when anything in theaters over 120 minutes had better be pretty epic, and the producers made sure that there was an intermission so that the audience could enjoy the last half of the film without suffering full bladders, stiff knees or sore asses. Some films certainly need some time to condense major amounts of material, and they do it well (I'm looking at you Lord of the Rings); but when did comic book films like Spider-Man start needing more than ninety minutes or even two hours? And why does the original King Kong feel so much larger than life when compared to the monstrous three hour remake? If you've got a lot to say, may I suggest the smaller screen? Television is becoming more cinematic all the time, and here is an example where both film and television can achieve great things with the same material.

As I have mentioned before, I am a big fan of the Horatio Hornblower novels written by C.S. Forester, and I must say that I am also a big fan of the film adaptations that have been made of these stories. Up until last night I had only seen the more recent A&E adaptations starring Ioan Gruffudd, but I finally had the opportunity to watch the earlier adaptation that starred Gregory Peck. It is very rare that I feel an equal amount of enjoyment from two very different versions, but these are both delights. Both adaptations have great acting, and the casting is similar enough that bouncing between these two versions feels really comfortable. Both versions also are adept at capturing the lusty, swashbuckling, seafaring adventure that saturates the novels, while at the same time creating compelling dramatic moments that are inherent in times of political and personal unrest.

There was one major difference between these two adaptations, and that is the amount of material covered versus duration. The version filmed in 1951 is a lesson in screenplay adaptation. In a mere two hours, this film covered the major events of three complete novels. While it obviously could not cram in every detail of Hornblower's adventures, I feel that it really accomplished creating an intriguing storyline, character development and arcing relationships. It was well written, and more importantly, well condensed from the novelization. That is not to say that the A&E versions were not, they were excellent adaptations and the amount of detail that they translate from the novel is outstanding; however, after eight different episodes (each clocking in over an hour) again only three novels are touched upon.

There are two great mediums of delivery out there for your stories...one is film, the other is television. I am perfectly willing to sit and follow one large arcing story over an entire season's worth of television (especially cinematic television like Band of Brothers, Deadwood or Rome), but when I watch my movies I like 'em shorter and sweeter. When I sit to watch a television series, I am ready to give you thirteen or even twenty-six hours of my attention, so take your time and pack in the details; but if you decided to make a film, make it tight and treat each little minute with respect, 'cause once you get by that two hour mark I better still be there for a good reason.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Henry

Mustache - Wear if you Dare

I have thought over the past couple of years that it might be nice to have a mustache, if for no other reason than that it is one of the few facial hair combinations I have not tried out. Well, that isn't entirely true, I did have one in a play where I portrayed a 1920's film director, and it was fashionable in its own way (perhaps only because it was reinforced by the nostalgia of the role I was playing). Still in the greater part of a decade that has passed, I have not grown a solitary mustache of any kind.

Most people seem to think this has been a wise decision on my part. I am not a law enforcement officer, biker, rescue worker, armed forces member, country music star, baseball player, NASCAR fan nor a member of any of the other various social or employment based groups that have embraced the mustache and made it their own. My particular social group seems to be lacking an identifying mustache, and it has fallen into that less distinctive jumble of goatees, beards and sideburns. In this particular group a mustache comes across as usually being creepy, which is unfortunate because just once I'd like to bust out a nice simple 'stache and feel dashing like Eroll Flynn, Vincent Price or even Frank Zappa.

Even more depressing, my great-grandfather had a toothbrush mustache. (Not sure what I am talking about? What if I say a Hitler mustache?) A part of me has always had a desire to emulate this predecessor of mine (my Polish great-grandfather) with a similar styling of facial hair, but I think realistically I must accept that this mustache has been forever tainted. If I bust that puppy out, I will without a doubt be seen as trying to be more Aryan than ancestral.

So for now, I will stay with my beards and goatees and every now and then the regrettable clean shave. Perhaps in the future I will go back to those sweet lambchop sideburns I had in high school, for as one teacher said to me "I love your sideburns, they were very stylish back in the 1700's." To this day I really think that she was giving me a compliment, but I still haven't found a good way to interpret, "Hey a**hole! Nice Hitler 'stache!"

Same to same,

Hendry

Every Now and Then They Play Our Song

"We've been having fun all summer long..." Ah, summer has arrived. While this is by no means my favorite season, there are things I love about it: barbecues, blockbusters and beach music. There is nothing like cranking Jan and Dean or the Beach Boys when you are cruising around under the sun. And don't think that their sound has been lost by today's bands.

If you think that the Beach Boys had their day in the sun and have simply drifted away, think again, 'cause indie rock is embracing them as we speak. Don't believe me? Take a listen to these cool tunes and get back to me:

Besnard Lakes - Disaster
Panda Bear - Comfy in Nautica
The Shins - Phantom Limb

Plus you can find some cool covers of God Only Knows by Petra Hayden and Ben Kweller.

And if you are looking for sounds of the summer surf, but don't not necessarily high-pitched harmonizing, I suggest riding the tight guitar riffs of good old fashioned surf music. You may be familiar with Dick Dale, the Surfaris and maybe even the Ventures, but there is newer, faster, harder surf to find.

When it comes to new surf hybrids, you've got to love the sci-fi surf rock of Man or Astroman? Imagine dropping MST3K into a blender with punk and then playing it back through a conch shell and you get this aural treat. Or if you want something more traditional, the Boss Marians sound like they recorded their tracks in the early sixties instead of the late nineties.

On the side, I also have been listening lately to the Cinematics, the Hold Steady, Arthur Hammond jr, and I feel like I am rediscovering Granddaddy. And if you happen to listen to it, can you tell me what you think of the CocoRosie song Rainbowwarriors. I can't tell if it is a good song or not, but the more I hear it, the more it gets stuck in my head and the more I think I might like it.

Same to Same,

Pat Hendry

Flogging

I've just started reading the first of Bernard Cromwell's series following the adventures of Richard Sharpe, a British soldier in the early 19th century. In this first novel, one of the characters is sentenced to receive the punishment of 2000 lashes, which seemed such an absurdly high number, I had to do some research.

I was blown away when I found this quote here:

"At the time of the American Revolution, the British Army's limit on lashes was flexible--up to as many as 500, 1,000, or even 2,000 lashes. The Massachusetts legislature, however, imposed the New Testament maximum of 39 strokes, and that standard was established in the Continental Congress's Articles of War of 1775"

Holy Shit!!! Imagine any movie where you have seen some poor soul get ten strokes with the cat. Now multiply that two hundred times. Even if the punishment was being received at the blistering speed of one stroke every five seconds, this would still translate to practically three solid hours of whipping.

The article cited above also talks of how George Washington had congress raise the maximum number of strokes to 100 and then pushed for 500.

That's all I've got...just awe for the amount of fleshripping that kept men in line as late as 1881 in the British military.

Same to same,

Hendry

Mom, Dad...can I have Allergies, please?

The other day I caught a commercial for the product Children's Claritin that really bothered me. It's not like I haven't seen drug companies marketing towards kids before; who hasn't at some point got that wonderful jingle "10 million strong...and growing" stuck in their head from the Flintstones vitamins commercials, and I certainly feel as thought I have seen plenty of commercials lately advertising a better tasting cough syrup, or a dissolving strip of medication meant to replace the trauma of swallowing a pill or spoonful of goo in your formative years.

No, what made this commercial different was the way it marketed its product. The commercial puts a young, aspriring skateboarder in the oh-so-clever, allergy-induced fog that you will be in if you have neglected to take Claritin. This blurry veil of perception is magically stripped away by the Children's Claritin, and our young protagonist is suddenly Tony Hawk circa 1980: skatin' up a storm and livin' the good life.

There are three beefs I have with this commercial spot. First off, this commercial is not marketing the taste or the ease of this medication; instead, it is marketing the disease and the symptoms that come with it. Next thing you know, every kid who sneezes when he is trying to ollie is going to claim that he has an allergy problem. Secondly, if memory serves, this thing is shot from the child's point of view rather than catering to the parent's concerns for their child's symptoms. Lastly, this commercial definitely suggests, in the same way so many adult pharmaceutical commercials do, that this product will enhace your abilities and general joy in life.

Don't we have enough adults that are trying to play doctor by inquiring about drugs that are being piped into their consciousness alongside images of cool sneakers, delicious food and awesome cars? Where are the good ole days when all kids wanted were toys and gimmicky snacks for their bag lunch?

Same to same,

Capt. Pat Hendry

Ouch!

Recently I came across a reference to this historical character, Robert-François Damiens. I had not heard of him before and did some searching only to find that he was perhaps the most insidiously tortured man I have ever come across. For a complete account check out this link:

http://www.gweep.net/~abate/WPIWEB/sick.html

Same to same

Equinox...more like Equi-Rocks!

If equinox by definition refers to a point in time celestial bodies are in alignment, Equinox the film is the initial alignment of three cinematic powerhouses. Dennis Muren, Jim Danforth, David Allen - If you think you haven't seen any of their work, think again. Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Howling, The Hunger, The Hulk, Jurassic Park...if you've seen any one of these films you are familiar with some of their work. These three men have all been Oscar nominated for their achievements in the realm of special effects; a world that they inherited from special effects pioneers Willis O'Brien and Ray Harryhausen. Equinox is the $6,500 film project that represents the humble origins of these three artists.

That being said, I don't want to mislead you into thinking that Equinox is a polished, jaw-dropping, special effects extravaganza, for it is not. The film caters to a specific taste: it is a classic Lovecraftian tale with our protagonists finding a book of evil that leads them into a world of dark minions threatening their very sanity, and it is a B-movie that many viewers may prefer seeing behind the wisecracking silhouettes of the MST3K cast. Still, the film is a testament to the fact that talent and hard work will get results. There is also something refreshing behind the concept of making an effects dependent film clock in around 90 minutes. Those were the days!

The Criterion Collection DVD of this film contains two version, the 1967 film as made by these young entrepeneurs and the 1970 "polished" theatrical release. I watched the 1970 theatrical release and then went back and checked out the four major effects scenes as they were original cut in the 1967 version...this seemed to work really well. I also highly recommend taking the extra seven minutes to check out the Forrest J. Ackerman interview.

Also, if you are looking for more good times from these three wizards of film, check out the classic camp Flesh Gordon.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry

Just the Facts (if there are such things)

The other day, I found myself in a conversation that eventually got hung up on one particular question...who was the lead singer of AC/DC that preceded Brian Johnson? After some long pauses in which everyone attempted to pull this elusive name from thin air, and during which a myriad of comical and incorrect guesses were made, one of us succumbed and finally looked up the answer (Ronald Belford "Bon" Scott). There was a time when we would be plagued by questions for days, even weeks, until somehow the answer came our way or we had the chance to consult the local library and hunt down a topical book using ye olde Dewey decimal system.

Nowadays, as a friend of mine and I always say, "Take it to the net!"

That is exactly how I was reminded that it was Bon Scott who was on the Highway to Hell. I don't know if this fact was grabbed off of Wikipedia, or a quick Google search was done, but it is a fairly well known fact and easy to find corroborative evidence backing it. But today I thought I would hop on Wikipedia and see what else they had to say about Bon Scott so as to further quench the sponge for knowledge in my skull; but, was I really learning or just latching on to "facts" as presented.

On that very same page, these two sentences appeared in different paragraphs:

''Back in Black is currently the second best-selling album worldwide and the biggest selling album worldwide by any band."

"Some sources rank Back in Black as the second-best-selling album in history."

Had I only read the first sentence, I would be telling just about everybody who gave two shits about AC/DC that Back in Black was the second best-selling album of all time....done...it's a fact. However, I did read on, there appeared to be some discrepencies, and upon closer inspection through Wikipedia I found that Back in Black is actually one of four albums claiming to have sold over $40 million copies worldwide. This sort of makes it potentially tied for second place. That doesn't sound quite so much like a fact anymore.

I know recently Middlebury College in VT banned citing Wikipedia as a source for term papers, so academia has certainly begun taking steps to ensure that their integrity is withheld. Still, the fact remains that the majority of the populace is getting most of their facts from sites like Wikipedia, IMDB and Google seaches that lead us to random pages. People are fueling the collective global knowledge using the world wide web, and I am just as guilty as any of them. We used to say that "History is written by the winners," but now it seems that history and even the present is written by whomever has a mind to...and I'm not even sure that is a bad thing.

What I do know is that I love this world where I can instantly get the satisfaction of an answer to my most innane questions, and that I am usually only superficially concerned about the integriy of the source material. And honestly, are things really that different, or is it just that there are so many more sources than there used to be? Newspapers and televised news programs have been shouting out headlines as fast as they can for decades, and corrections and apologies rarely make the front page (there are exceptions - sorry, Dan Rather). At least most of the larger fact dispensing websites let the public know that they are instrumental in maintaining the accuracy of that website. Again, history now being written by the collective audience that it seeks to educate.

I guess that the facts that often matter are the ones that the most people agree upon, and when push comes to shove, it is the truths they believe in that really make a diffence in the long run.
How's that for deep?

So until then I'm going to be spreading the fact that Back in Black is the second best-selling album of all time, and I might even start telling people that Appetite for Destruction is the first. Is it a fact? If enough people belive me and start spreading it around, it might just become one.

Same to same,

Hendry

Sprint to get this Print

With Memorial Day upon us, so begins the summer season according to the powers that be. Therefore this is a perfect time to get your summer reading list together. I don't know that the books below are necessarily considered to be especially geared for the beach or for the lazy, hazy days of hot weather and flip-flops, but they are my favorite four books, and I thought I would throw them out there.

Dracula by Bram Stoker: That's right, Dracula. Price of the undead, vampire extraordinaire, long fangs, pale skin, night owl. I originally was turned off by the fact that the book is written as an epistolary, which is to say that all the chapters in the book are diary entries or letters written to other people or even newspaper articles; but in retrospect, this style of writing almost makes this supernatural tale feel more like a memoir of real events. Even in this day and age, this book is chilling. There are people I know who couldn't keep reading this book at night because they were being instilled with feelings of dread. If you think you know the whole story from seeing countless (well, there is always at least one Count) screen adaptations, think again, for few movies come close to touching upon all the major plot points, or even characters, in the novel. Lastly, don't be afraid that this novel is simply cheap, paperback horror writing, it is as beautiful a piece of literature as any I have read, which I am sure accounts for it being deeply embedded in our culture.

Catch 22 by Joesph Heller: I was never assigned to read this book in high school or college, and I count that among my blessings. When I tackled this book as an adult, I felt that I was probably better able to appreciate the black comedy and irony that saturates nearly every paragraph of this WWII surreal experience. Trying to describe this book is almost a waste of time, it is something that needs to be read to really understand; but, I promise you comedy, tragedy, action, stagnation, logic, nonsense and above all...satire. This book empowers its reader by fine tuning your mind into an instrument that can recognize the inherent hypocrisy and sheer silliness in the extremes of love, life and war.

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein: This novel can be found in the science fiction section of your local bookstore, but don't let that turn you off it that is not your scene. This book is more social commentary than Star Wars. Heinlein merely uses the fantastic nature of the genre to create situations above and beyond the norm; these in turn give him the chance to show us the kind of world we could live in. Emotionally engaging, and often dealing with the ever complicated world of our sexuality, this book will challenge the way you approach relationships with people, and gives the reader a chance to look at society from a fresh pair of eyes for awhile. Time Enough for Love and I Will Fear No Evil are two other works of his that I find equally successful critiques of some of the more sensitive areas of our social norm.

The Baroque Cycle by Neal Stephenson: Ok, so this is really a series of three novels following the adventures of a myriad of characters both fictional and real. It takes place in the late 1600's and is the most entertaining and informational history course I have ever taken. I think I learned more about the origins of modern science, theories of economy and currency, and European history than my combined years of knowledge leading up to my reading of this trilogy. That being said, it is by no means boring. Stephenson is sharp as a tack and makes me laugh out loud. His characters, even those based on real historical figures, are driven by the most outrageous (and sometimes depraved) motives. If you can muscle your way through the intimidating size of this body of work, and embrace his sometimes longer than necessary tangents, you will find yourself rewarded at the end with a breadth of knowledge and a satisfying adventure. To try the author on for size in a smaller piece of work, I also recommend Cryptonomicon or Snow Crash.

None of these appeal to you? Here's the short list of some things I've read over the past year or so:

Glass Books of the Dream Eaters by Gordon Dahlquist: Nice thriller set in England during the 1800's. One part science fiction, one part adventure.
The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks: Disturbing little read about the strange, isolated existence of a young serial killer who has more secrets than even he knows.
Horatio Hornblower series by C.S. Forrester: Adventure on the high seas. Quick reads with plenty of smart action.
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Suzanna Clarke: What if there were actually a wizard or two in England trying to bring back the practice in the 1800's. This book is not simply Harry Potter for adults.

So get your mind out and about this summer, and pick up something to read...and if you have some time, let me know what else I should be looking to read.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry

Whose Camera is on First?

The past couple of nights the Yankees and the Red Sox have been playing a series, so I've been relaxing with a few baseball games in the evening. The other night while watching the game in New York City on the Boston based NESN, I began to wonder what the media set-ups were like for sport venues.

The idea really occured to me when I started thinking about the cameras used for these games. The cameras and their pedestals are pretty large pieces of equipment. It seems that they would not be very travel friendly. Then I started to think about all the other pieces of equipment that would need to be broken down and transported from stadium to stadium, sometimes with only a day of travel time in between. So how do they pull this off?

Now, the answer to this question could be as simple as this: each sports station makes sure that they are equipped with a very thorough mobile unit. One that brings video switchers, audio boards, mics, cameras and all that jazz. However, when you stop and think about all the time and effort that would be spent rebuilding and then tearing down all the pieces of such a major production, it seems that there must be a better system in place.


My best guess is that they must have an entire media suite already in place for those visiting teams. In my mind this suite would contain the switcher, audio board and the visiting team would have cameras already in place that are reserved for visiting media.

I also wonder if the meat of the game isn't the same for multiple broadcasters. When Andy Pettitte is on the mound with the glove over his face, and then the camera goes to a tight shot of Posada crouched behind the plate, follows the hit by Youkilis and then showcases the sweet defensive play by Cano, Jeter and Mientkiewicz ...this turn of events could be shared by ESPN, YES and NESN if they are all covering this game. Then during the dead time between plays, different networks can use the guest cameras around the stadium or use their own camera set ups that they have brought so that the shots focus in on players that the conversation is revolving around.

Truly I have no idea what really happens. I assume that a lot of the work is being done in the stations hometown where all the graphics are being added into the show (including players names, stats, fullscreen information and promotional material) but I would appreciate any light that could be shed on this.

Same to same.

Capt. Hendry

Funniest Joke in the World

For those of you who are not familiar, there is a classic Monty Python sketch based around the plot that an English jokesmith creates an anecdote that inevitably results in the death of whomever should hear it. The joke then is employed by the British armed services in WWII. The joke is never heard in it's native tongue, but only in the German translation (worked on at a ratio of only one person per word...as they say, "one translator accidentally saw two words and was in a coma for weeks"....or something along those lines).

Anyway, for years I had been under the assumption that the German joke told in the episode did have an English translation that would result in an actual joke (secretly I expected some classic Vaudevillian one liner that everyone knows). Well, today Wikipedia has given me the answer, and I have survived. Here is the joke in both versions...READER BEWARE!


GERMAN: Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.


ENGLISH: "When is the nowpiece 'git' and 'Slotermeyer'? Yes!... 'Beier'dog the or the 'Flipper'forest 'gersput'."


If you are still reading this now, then you obviously have not expired. That was always the greatest apprehension I had with translating this joke: would it be satisfying and funny enough to literally kill me, or would I be disappointed and still alive after reading the translation. To be honest, I am somewhere in the middle...the power of the joke is somewhat diminished by the fact that there was not a mortal result; however, there are still some pieces of gibberish in there that when properly translated could make this joke lethal.

The more I think about it, the more brilliant it is. I like to assume that those Monty Python guys are pretty damn smart, and had the foresight to know that people would never resist translating "the joke." By making parts of the joke completely untranslatable, they have still maintained the integrity of the joke's ability to cause the instantaneous expiration of any given individual. Sleep soundly in your beds, the joke remains safe.

Strangely enough...I think it makes me laugh more when I hear it in German.

Same to same,

Capt. Patrick Hendry
Commanding Officer Joke Division

Deerhoof Rocks?

There has been a small influx of music lately that I am finding hard to determine if I really like or not. A great example of this is the song by Deerhoof "Matchbook for Maniacs." The first few times I heard this song, I dismissed it as something a bit too disjointed for me and as a song that chose some musical notes that I would not have. I wasn't ready to go so far as to say I disliked it, but I wasn't won over instantly. Now, after hearing it a dozen+ times, I can't get it out of my head. I keep humming little bits of it as they pop in my head, and I don't even really know what the lyrics are that are stuck in there. So do I like this song now? I still am not sure if the song has won me over as a fan, or if I have merely embraced it as part of my current musical experience and thus accepted it for what it is. All I know is that I do kinda like the lady's high pitched, almost exotic, voice.

Some shit I am just not at all sure about: klaxons, and joanna newsom (I used to think I was just missing something with her music, now I think it just doesn't do it for me.)

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there has also been a huge number of catchy, almost poppy, songs that are storming the indie rock scene. Most notably for me:

the ark - absolutely no decorum
pipettes - pull shapes
belle and sebastian - another sunny day
jesse malin - in the modern world
amy winehouse - tears dry on their own
the apples in stereo - can you feel it? & energy
the pernice brothers - somerville
voxtrot - trouble
bright eyes - four winds


Poppy indie music always freaks me out a bit. I always feel a bit guitly about liking it as much as I do, maybe it is just because I feel like in the mid-90's when I was really getting into the indie scene at school is was so anti-pop. Still, there is no denying that the progression of indie rock over the past decade has, in my experience, opened up the door for poppy/catchy music. Personally, I think if you just follow the New Pornographer over their three albums you can see a sort of microcasmic example of this evolution. So I guess now a catchy song is still supercool, as long as it is kept sort of secret.


Same to same,

Captain Patrick Hendry

ps. some other bands to check -peter, bjorn and john, fujiya & miyagi, panda bear...if you are looking for these tracks I find that www.hypem.com is a good little resource for streaming.

Feelin' a bit Old

I thought I felt old when I first heard three Nirvana songs in a row on the local classic rock block party, but hearing the Huey Lewis and the News anthem "Power of Love" on the oldies station yesterday may have made me feel even older.

same to same

Con-Pro-Life

Watching the two installments of Masters of Horror directed by John Carpenter was like watching his entire career summed up in two hour long endeavors. The first episode, Cigarette Burns, was great. It was moody, atmospheric, well-acted, engaging, slightly disturbing with an interesting story and some solid gore. The second, Pro-Life, was like the second half of Carpenter's career...you watch it because you want to give him the benefit of the doubt and find some of that magic that he delivered in Big Trouble in Little China, or The Thing, but all you really get is Vampires or Ghosts of Mars. It had cheese for effects (although there was a bit of a shout out to the Thing in it) and just didn't hold the attention like it could have.

I thought he was back after Cigarette Burns, but unfortunately I was wrong. Although I did notice that his son is taking up scoring films.

Same to Same,

Capt. Hendry

Last King of Scotland

This film was nothing like I expected. I had settled into the fact that this film would be a decent film which was heavily overshadowed by an amazing performance by Forest Whitaker. I figured that it would be heavy and depressing and more a performance piece than anything...I was terribly wrong.

The first half of this film is flat out fun. It is lively, it is funny and Whitaker is charismatic/psychotic. James McAvoy, who was a newcomer to my movie scene, plays his role as the youthful Scottish doctor with a contagious energy that carries the film (and the viewer) joyfully along with such momentum, that I didn't even realize the film had switched gears to a thriller before it was too late. I, like McAvoy's character, had become so embedded in the near Utopian lifestyle that Uganda was providing, that by the time Whitaker's character (the infamous dictator General Idi Amin Dada) starts to really scare me...it is way too late to just duck out.

I am surprised that this didn't get more Picture nominations in such a lackluster year....I really liked.

Same to Same.

Capt. Hendry

Spidey Sense

I went to see Spiderman 3 the other day, here is my take on it. First off, Venom is where the money is in all aspects of this film. Venom, or the oily and sinewy alien symbiote that he originates as, was the big marketing push for this film. Everything is hyping up the dark side of Spiderman and the supercool black suit of his. Knowing that they drew the audience in with this, the filmmakers put the bulk of their effort into the way Venom looks, and it is awesome. Although it relies heavily on CGI, the effects are top notch, and the creature often looks almost as good as a practical effect (something I wish I could say for the Sandman, which looks like recycled footage from Brendan Fraiser's Mummy film in the late 90's - although he is a great character). Also, Tobey Maguire is having more fun that I have ever seen him have on screen as he plays Peter Parker gone bad and his enthusiasm makes for fun onscreen antics. The only real problem with the Venom storyline is that it doesn't kick in for a good hour and twenty minutes into the film.

Although it makes a very early appearance, don't expect the symbiote to be a major factor in the film for awhile. Instead get ready for Mary Jane and Peter figuring out their love life, Harry and Peter figuring out their friendship and of course, Peter figuring out himself. The character development isn't even bad, but the time spent on it is too long for me and a little bit repetitive. I feel like MJ and PP have the same talk three times in the film and Harry and Peter have the same discussion twice.

Still, once the action picks up, the last hour+ of the film is solid summer fare...and, damn, Venom looked good.

Same to same,

Capt. Hendry

An Introduction

A quick note to all who wander over here...if you know me at all, you know I have much to say on movies, music, books, society, religion, food, beer...perhaps even fashion. Tired of verbally delivering the same reviews and opinions multiple times in one day, I figured I would just start posting them. I also encourage other people to tell me what is going on out in the world, 'cause I am always looking for something.

So come...read...write...leave...do as you will.

Same to same,

Capt Hendry